“It's all make believe, isn't it?” ― Marilyn

I have come to realize that online is sort of like having a shitty part time job at that pizza place down the street.  The menu options are endless, but most of the combinations are disgusting. Theres just page after page of cheesy bathroom mirror head shots and that classic “thumbs up I’m in a bar being super jock and cool with my man friends”.  They’re profiles are all full of funny little statements like “i want a girl who is spontaneous and at the same time ok with spending a night on the couch cuddling”.  After reading a million profiles with basically all similar starts “oh what am i supposed to write here about myself”  ”I am so terrible about talking about myself”  ”well im sick of the bar scene so i thought i would give this a try”  its funny how all these guys are all looking for the same things in a girl yet there about 2 million single girls - is it because they’re lying about what they want? or is it because they’ve all fabricated the girl they want because they don’t actually want one?  these are the questions i ask after i sift through profile after profile that has been “hand picked just for you” the last like 25 suggestions that were made for me: not one of them was a smoker, most of them were athletic and toned and the number one thing we all had in common? “you both dig dining out” - who the fuck doesn’t like going out to dinner?  you don’t have to plan, cook, clean or do anything else but show up eat pay and leave.  

the only recent justification i’ve gotten recently is the fact that my ex’s are still single as well lol - you know how i know? most of the dating sites have a nifty little feature that tells you who’s looked at your profile - which means - yes dumbass i know you were checking out my profile again after months or years after breaking up with me.  

i decided if i were gonna be super real on the profile like everyone should be but never will - i would just make a check list of all things that annoyed me about past bf’s and that would be how everyone could figure out if they were my type or not.  

- do you base your entire day around food?

- do you hate animals

Sub question: if you answered no - do you only like certain animals?

- are you a party-er ( do you go out and get hammered every weekend)

- are you climate challenged? 

- are you against beards?

I’m not sure what else i would add to the list of questions - but thats what i just thought of real quick….